Every year around this time, the Asian seafood restaurants start running crazy specials on them delicious delicious King Crab legs.  This is probably about the most important news you’ll hear from me all year.  $3.99/lb baby!  How are you not stuffing your face already?!

Pee-Wee’s Playhouse!!  I was so excited yesterday to find out that Pee-Wee Herman was putting on a series of shows in LA.  I think I will have to drive down just to check one of these shows out. But why no Pee Wee love??  Doesn’t seem like any of my friends is too interested in going?!  What is this fuckery!?  Evelyn even replied “Meh” to me but this isn’t a big surprise because that is her most common reply to activities not involving food or watching Turner Classic Movies.

One of my favorite Pee-Wee appearances was on a 1980s Dolly Parton Special. (Go to 3:45 for their duet)  And all I ever wanted was this playset below!  One time at college I saw it in a teacher’s office and considered theivery but I gave that up when my friend got arrested for stealing 5 bras at a JCPenny. (Tip: people notice when you go from A cup to D cup in 8 minutes.)

Today Amazon bought Zappos.  This is a big deal in the .com world coz Amazon paid bucu bucks for them.

Anyway, The Wall Street Journal posted the following letter from Zappos CEO to their staff:

http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2009/07/22/zappos-ceos-letter-to-staff/

There were 3 excerpts that I found highly amusing:

#1.)  Please set aside 20 minutes to carefully read this entire email.

[Evelyn] lol.  i wish i had the luxury to demand people do this.  eh, i guess when you’re a CEO…

#2.)  Q: Will we get a discount at Amazon?

No, because we are planning on continuing to run Zappos as a separate company with our own culture and core values. And we’re not going to be giving the Zappos discount to Amazon employees either, unless they bake us cookies and deliver them in person.

[Evelyn] Um so like, this is pretty much PPP Hour’s policy towards everything.  What?  You want us to do something?  Cookies!  Gimme!  Nao!

#3.) Q: Can you please stop?

okthxbye

[Evelyn] To Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh:  I appreciate your brand of humor!  :D  That is, if this email was even real.  If it wasn’t, I was still highly entertained by whoever wrote it.

So as I was walking home from my studio I started reminiscing about my dollhouse.  And how I replaced the dolls in it with Dinosaurs.  Then I was trying to remember if I still kept one doll and 1 dinosaur to be the husband and wife.  And then I laughed at the thought of them having intercourse.  From there, I started thinking about Dinosaurs and wondering if their peens were HUGEEEE?!

So of course I googled this when I got home and found a great article on DINOSAUR SEX!

It asks all the questions I didn’t even know I was curious about like…“How did spiny stegosaurs mate without stabbing each other to death? And where did Tyranosaurus rex stow his crown jewels - or did he let it all hang out?”

And now I’m on the hunt for the “series of drawings of dinosaurs in different mating positions, including in water, by the late British palaeontologist L. Beverly Halstead(also know as L B Halstead), who believed all dinosaurs used pretty much the same mating position: “Mounting from the rear.” Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find any of these gems online and my local library doesn’t seem to contain them.  Please someone buy all books written by him and find them and post them. Thank you!

And heres a lil bit of BBC DinoPron cause I know thats the next step….ENJOY!(For some reason, Youtube’s embed was not working. Must be super NSFW!!)

Ahhhh yes this takes me back.  I had one of these back when I was a young gal.  I remember bouncing on it and a kid came up to me & wanted to try it.  He offered me a stick of gum to try, which of couse I knew was definitely lingo for drugs!!(I had been attending D.A.R.E. meetings at school.  Free Entemann’s Chocolate Chip Cookies FTW!)  I told him “NO WAY, JOSE”(and his name wasn’t even Jose) and pogo-ed on out of there.   But did I pogo, lolo, or discoed on out…now I’m not sure…there were actually so many different versions

I find this very confusing but from what I can understand from Wiki, it looks like several people wanted to make the same product, but used different names.  Which I find hilarious.  Because if you are manufacturing the Pogo Ball and someone is like “hey! check out my pogo bal! So much better than your pogo BALL! ”  Thats just insane.

But now I miss it, I wonder if its somewhere in my parent’s attic?  I think I may go get it or maybe I’ll get the old mini trampoline my mom got during the 1980s rebounder workout phase.  Basically I feel like Bouncin’!!

Lately, my warddrobe has seemed very blah and since I buy everything on Amazon, I figured why not shirts.  And I certainly figured right, because look at the beauty I found below.

Now we will be putting out some of our own shirts next month on our site, but I don’t think we’ll ever be able to reach the magnificence on this shirt.  Shoot for the Stars I guess.

Be sure to check out the reviews, here’s a stellar example

“This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the ‘guns’), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.”

By B. Govern “Bee-Dot-Govern” C 2008

Ev: oh ya, mother’s day is next month lol
eliza: lol
eliza: get on it yo!
eliza: im getting it all over in 1 blow - mothersday, dads bday, fathers day…big thing of ice cream from Jeni’s Ice Cream
Ev: lol
Ev: have u tried it?
Ev: is it really good?
eliza: best ice cream i have ever had
eliza: honest to gawd
Ev: is it better than haagen daz?
Ev: coz nothing’s better than haagen daz to me
eliza: makes haagen daz look like poo
Ev: you’re poo
eliza: im serious dood!
eliza: i wouldn’t be talkin smack about the HD
eliza: if i wasn’t seriousssss
Ev: haha
Ev: we’ll see
eliza: im callin”1 single tear down face:” action
Ev: lolz

I got Jeni’s Ice Cream as a wedding present and it was glorious!! I cannot say enough nice things about this ice cream except it is worth every expensive penny!  Sell your gold jewelry and go buy it NOW!

And Holy Patootie! Ice Cream Macaroons.  I DIES NOW!!

Awhile back, I thought it’d be really neat to make a sculpy version of “El Davitor”:

Unfortunately, my sculpy skillz were too noob, and I couldn’t quite work out the flaming “hair” part.

So it was either bald El Davitor…

Or give him a mohawk.

This is what I ended up with:

As you can see, El Davitor spent a tad too long in the oven and got a burnt hairdo.  T_T

Whenever anybody walks by now and catches a glance of El Davitor, I always get the same reaction…

“Hey!  Is that a chicken!?”

I imagine this will be a headline in the papers someday.  This is a serious matter folks!  Why would anybody ever walk to the fridge again when you can just teleport that turkey leg straight onto your lap.

(This rant was the result of Liz & Phiyen getting me Watchmen comic book for my bday)

“…We both love bacon and country music, what more could you possibly want?”

What more could he want?  It was an incredibly stupid question and when he failed to answer, I was reminded of just how lucky I truly am.  Movie characters might chase each other through the fog or race down the stairs of burning buildings, but that’s for beginners.  Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.  I wanted to say something to this effect, but my hand puppets were back home in their drawer.  Instead, I pulled my chair a few inches closer, and we sat silently at our little table on the square, looking for all the world like two people in love.

~ David Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

There were so many great excerpts from this book and it was tremendously difficult to choose a favorite one.  Well, couldn’t help myself…had to go with the one that mentioned “bacon”.

evelyn

Happy 2009!